Forgiveness
21 Then Peter came
and said to him, “Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how
often should I forgive? As many as seven times?” 22 Jesus said to
him, “Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven
times.
The Parable of the
Unforgiving Servant
23 “For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be
compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. 24 When
he began the reckoning, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to
him; 25 and, as he could not pay, his lord ordered him to be sold,
together with his wife and children and all his possessions, and payment to be
made. 26 So the slave fell on his knees before him, saying, ‘Have
patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ 27 And out of pity
for him, the lord of that slave released him and forgave him the debt. 28 But
that same slave, as he went out, came upon one of his fellow slaves who owed
him a hundred denarii; and seizing him by the throat, he said, ‘Pay what you
owe.’ 29 Then his fellow slave fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have
patience with me, and I will pay you.’ 30 But he refused; then he
went and threw him into prison until he would pay the debt. 31 When
his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed, and they
went and reported to their lord all that had taken place. 32 Then
his lord summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked slave! I forgave you all
that debt because you pleaded with me. 33 Should you not have had
mercy on your fellow slave, as I had mercy on you?’ 34 And in anger
his lord handed him over to be tortured until he would pay his entire debt. 35
So my heavenly Father will also do to every one of you, if you do not
forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
Matthew 18:21-22 contains a saying
on forgiveness. I note that this topic is difficult for many people, so I hope
to explore this theme. As we do so, let us remember a wise saying, “The weak
can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”[1]
Jesus recommends it because
forgiveness is good for you. Not just for the person who needs to be forgiven,
but for you. Forgiveness can enable you to regain your personal power.
Forgiveness starts with a choice and then becomes a process. Jesus wants us to
get stronger and healthier by making the decision to forgive, and then turning
that choice into a process.
Matthew has constructed a narrative
that introduces a saying of Jesus. Peter wonders how often he should forgive a
member of the church who sins against him. He pegs the number at seven. Some
rabbinic discussions frequently pegged the number at four. He acts as
representative for the disciples. He concedes that forgiveness must be generous
if it is gracious at all. Yet, is seven times a reasonable limit in order to
forestall possible abuse of the willingness to forgive? We do not know if he
refers to the same type of offense from the same individual. He has learned of
the importance of forgiveness even in order to ask the question. Jesus invited
us to pray, “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.”
The response of Jesus is to reject firmly the offer of seven times, and
suggests seventy-seven times. The saying is from the material Matthew has in
common with Luke, but this time the difference is worth noting. In Luke 17:4,
which excludes the dialogue with Peter, we read, “And if the same person sins
against you seven times a day, and turns back to you seven times and says, ‘I
repent,’ you must forgive.” I find this instructive because it seems as if
Matthew has made a change in the saying under the influence of Genesis 4:24, “If Cain is avenged
sevenfold, truly Lamech seventy-sevenfold.” At the same time, this could be a
case where Jesus offered two sayings on forgiveness. Another matter worthy of
note is that some scholars will translate ebdomhkontakiV epta as “seventy
multiples of seven,” and thus 490 times. Regardless, if you wish to debate the
correct number of times you must forgive, you have already missed the point.
You are not to keep count. After all, the point is not that we do not need to
forgive when we reach the 78th offense.
What are
the limits of offering forgiveness? To ask the question is to acknowledge that
our hearts are not in a good place. Forgiveness that arises from love for the
other person and desire for the flourishing of the other person, regardless of
the personal relationship, will not even ask the question. Yet, we need to
remember some simple truths. Forgiveness is not saying, "Forget
it." Forgiveness is not saying, "I forget." Forgiveness is not
saying, "It's okay." Rather, forgiveness is saying ''I'm okay, and I
am willing to let God deal with whether you are okay, and I am also willing to
let go of my need to be the tool of correction and rebuke in your life."
... Forgiveness is not saying, "I no longer feel the pain." Rather,
forgiveness is saying, "I no longer feel the need to hold on to your
involvement in my pain."[2]
Matthew 18:23-35 is a parable
concerning the unforgiving slave. The source is the material unique to Matthew.
Kathleen Norris tells of a Benedictine nun who is keeping vigil at the bedside
of her dying mother. Seeking to comfort her mother, she says, “In heaven,
everyone we love is there.” “No,” her mother responds, “in heaven I will love
everyone who’s there.”[3]
Such love is difficult here on earth. Forgiveness arises out of genuine love.
We will not forgive if we do not love. We will not forgive if we do not get
beyond the hurt, even the extremities of the hurt inflicted upon us by others,
if we do not love them enough to desire the best for them. Forgiveness is not
so much about the other person as it is about your life and heart. Forgiveness,
if it comes from the right place in you, will free you from the resentment that
will eat away at you. Thus, forgiveness is not about how it affects the other
person. It could be meaningful to the other person if the other person repents,
opening up the possibility of reconciliation. However, forgiveness is important
because of the benefits it offers to you. It will free you from the demand for
justice and instead leave the other person in the hands of God.
The parable of the unmerciful
servant exhibits marks of both oral tradition and exaggerations typical of the
stories of Jesus. The fantastic character of the story is also typical of the
parables of Jesus. The ambiguity of the story is a feature of many parables of
Jesus. Jesus offers another parable that helps us understand the rule of God.
The awkward phrase in Greek that introduces the main character is anqrwpw basilei (a man, a king)
likely referring to a provincial official in charge of tax collection. It sets
up a contrast between the actions of the human ruler in the story to the divine
ruler. The ruler is ready to settle accounts with his slaves. A slave owed him
an impossible amount to repay. Let us say it is 10 million dollars. The reason
for such a large debt is not a matter of concern in the world of this parable.
The ruler is ready to sell him and his family and recover as much as he can.
For this reason, I find it a mistake to turn this ruler into an allegorized
version for the divine ruler. The slave begs for mercy, saying that if the
ruler has patience the slave will repay him everything he owes. Personally, I
find it highly unlikely that he could do so. Both the ruler and the slave know
this to be the case. Thus, surprisingly, the ruler forgave the debt! Our
happiness as listeners immediately tempers when we learn that this same slave,
the recipient of great mercy and release of obligation to a debt, has a fellow
slave who owes him a small amount. Let us say $100. The same slave is vicious
in grabbing him by the throat, demanding that he repay what he owes. His fellow
slave also asks him for patience in order to repay the small debt. Yet, the
same slave who received such mercy from his master refused to offer it to his
fellow slave. In fact, he put the slave in prison, a common practice in the
ancient world. For us listeners, the failure to imitate the act of forgiveness he
had received is striking. If the story stopped here, we would highlight the
contrast between the ruler and the first slave. One is willing to
forgive a staggering obligation, the other refuses to cancel a paltry sum. The parable invites the listener to choose
the appropriate mode of behavior. However, the parable does not stop here. The
parable introduces us to another set of characters. They are the friends of the
second slave. Let us think of these friends as providing a dramatic way of
bringing us as listeners into the story. We are angry with the first slave. We
wanted the first slave to respond to the paltry debt owed to him in a way that
imitated the mercy showed to him by the ruler. We feel sorry for the second
slave. We cannot believe what the first slave has done and we want something
done to him to teach him a lesson in forgiveness. “What goes round comes back
around” is a familiar saying to most of us. You sow what you reap. You get what
you deserve – even punishment. Such sayings that involve a form of karma in
life satisfies the desire for justice in life. It occurs enough times in the
actual world to offer some excuse for such a saying. Though it is sometimes
tough, at least it is what is deserved, earned. These friends of the second
slave go to the ruler and report what the first slave had done, something we as
listeners want done as well. The ruler summons the first slave, reminds him of
the forgiveness of the debt he extended to him after he pleaded for mercy, and
yet, he refused to extend mercy to his fellow slave. The ruler is now angry.
Thus, he does not just put the slave into prison, but also has him tortured
until he pays his debt. The ruler has shown himself not to be the nice person
he momentarily appeared to be. We also might remember that this ruler was ready
to sell the man and his family in order to recover part of his debt. He may not
be a nice man at all. As listeners, we might be a little hesitant about the
torture, but the parable initially satisfies our sense of justice. The first
slave got what he deserved. Yet, let us
now step back as readers of the Gospel of Matthew. The ruler fails to forgive
the first slave when given a second opportunity to forgive. He withdraws his
initial act of mercy and forgiveness. Thus, the ruler in the parable creates a
problem, for obviously, he had a limit on the extension of forgiveness, which
reverts to the question raised by Peter in 18:21-22. The ruler illustrates what
happens if we put a limit on forgiveness. In the world of the parable, the
ruler has forgiven once and then withdraws his forgiveness. We as listeners
have some confusion. How are we to respond? Are we to keep showing forgiveness?
Are we to be like the ruler and have a limit on forgiveness? The parable ends
with the warning that the Father of Jesus will deal with us in similar fashion
if we do not forgive our brothers and sisters. God responds toward people in
the ways they demonstrate by their actions that they wish to be treated. Those
who demand justice or reasonably limited forgiveness (as Peter suggested to
Jesus) should expect God to do the same. Those who, instead, open themselves to
moving fully into the realm of forgiveness will find God is already there
forgiving them and helping them find forgiveness in their hearts for others.
Forgiveness of another person is a choice. The parable invites us to consider
carefully the choice we make. Do we really want a world in which the demand for
justice is primary? Alternatively, do we really want the world of the rule of
God that will make forgiveness and mercy primary?
It seems obvious that part of the
point is that since God has cancelled the debt that no human being could repay,
we ought to forgive any debt a human being owes to us. The community lives
based upon the inconceivably great mercy and grace of God. In particular, since
Matthew has framed the context to refer to church members, we can say the point
is that within the church, we need to forgive. The moral of the story contains
the warning that God will not forgive you if you do not forgive your fellow
church member or even your fellow human being. Thus, the parable explains an
aspect of the rule of God. You as a follower of Jesus have received divine
forgiveness, so part of the summons Jesus offers to enter the rule of God now
is the readiness to forgive others.[4] We
should also note that mercy has a close relationship to the goodness of God,
and is in fact an expression of that goodness.[5]
Yet, the parable makes such fine points in an ambiguous way. It illustrates
that limiting forgiveness would not work. In particular, the ruler illustrates
the effects of the limit on forgiveness that Peter proposed. If we arbitrarily
deliver either justice or mercy, chaos is the result.[6]
The not so hidden point that Jesus and Matthew invite us to consider is that
the rule of God has its basis in mercy and forgiveness rather than a strict
demand for justice.
All of us have a grievance story
involving someone. It might be parents, a sibling, a teacher, a boss, or a
neighbor. Your grievance story may be the nation in which you live and the
wrongs you may justly feel it has inflicted upon you. Such a grievance story is
usually taking something personally that was not necessarily intended that way,
and then holding the other accountable for your feelings. When you blame
someone for what you feel instead of hold them accountable for what they have
done, you keep yourself stuck in victimhood and inaction. According to some
studies, failure to forgive releases adrenaline, cortisol, and norepinephrine
into the body. These chemicals are the same way we respond when encountering
stressful situations. They also limit our creativity and problem-solving. If
continued, it will lead to our feeling helpless and like a victim.[7]
John Newton
is the author of some of our most beloved hymns, like “Glorious Things of Thee
Are Spoken,” and “Amazing Grace.” He
contributed greatly to the spirituality vitality of the church through his
hymns. Yet, before his conversion, Newton
participated for yeas in the cruel African slave trade. When Newton spoke
in his hymn of “a wretch like me,” he was not just using poetic hyperbole. He was a wretched offender in the worst sort
of way. However, in his conversion, Newton is also a symbol of the amazing grace of God. After his conversion, he became a pastor and
worked for the abolition of slavery. Can
you not feel the irony? A hymn from the
heart of a former slave trader has become beloved by scores of African-American
congregations. While Newton
wrote the words, we do not know who wrote the tune. Some have said, with some justification, it
is probably that the tune evolved from African folk music. Is not this beloved hymn a fitting symbol of
Christian redemption and reconciliation?
[1] Mohandas
Gandhi
[2] --Timothy
Merrill, Learning to Fall: A Guide for the Spiritually Clumsy,
timothymerrill.net. 106ff. Kindle loc. 2246ff.
[3] Amazing Grace (New York: Riverhead, 1998),
367.
[4] Pannenberg, Systematic Theology Volume 2, 332-3.
[5] Pannenberg, Systematic Theology Volume 1, 432-3.
[6] Bernard Brandon Scott (Hear Then the Parable,
277-280)
[7] Bettencourt,
Megan Feldman. "The science of forgiveness: 'When you don't forgive you
release all the chemicals of the stress response.'" Salon, salon.com.
August 23, 2015.
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